The showcases typically open with an extended monologue from Trump himself. Tuesday’s lasted more than 30 minutes, as Trump riffed on everything from the cognitive test he aced —“I’m a smart person, not a stupid person,” he said—to what he described as “the fat drug, f-a-t, for fat people,” apparently referring to Ozempic. He said he should get eight Nobel Peace Prizes, one for every war he claims to have ended.

Trump, Between Apparent Naps, Holds Auditions for His 2028 Successor