Twas the month before Christmas, when all through the House
Mike Johnson was stirring, to cover a louse;
Subpoenas were hung by committees with care,
In hopes that the Epstein files soon would be there;
The Dem Kids were nestled all snug in their beds;
While visions of majorities danced in their heads;
And mamma in her 'kerchief, and I in my cap,
Had just settled our brains for a long winter's nap,
When in the Rotunda there arose such a clatter,
I sprang from my room to see what was the matter.


continued...

Away to the lobby I flew like a flash,
Tore open campaign mail and took in some cash.
The moon on the breast of the new-fallen snow,
Gave a lustre of midday to objects below,
When what to my wondering eyes did appear,
But a tin-pot dictator spewing rage and fear,
With a pudgy orange leader so bogus and slick,
I knew in a moment he must be Old Nick.

More rapid than eagles his minions they came,
And he whistled, and shouted, and called them by name:
"Now, Bondi! now, Hegseth! now Patel and Miller!
On, Pirro! on, Vance! and Noem Getting Filler!
To the heart of blue cities! We’ll build a new wall!
Now dash away! dash away! dash away all!"

As leaves that before the wild hurricane fly,
When they meet with an obstacle, pepper spray the guy;
Drop down to the housetop the ICE troops they flew
With the sleigh full of guns, and storm troopers too—
And then, in a twinkling, I heard in our town
The chase and arrest of anyone brown.

As I drew in my head, and was turning around,
Down the chimney the devil came with a bound.
He was dressed in red tie, from his head to his foot,
And his pockets were all stuffed with crypto cash loot;
A bundle of rockets he had flung on his back,
And he claimed that he’d readied a drug boat attack.
His skin—how it sagged! His visage so scary!
His ankles were swollen, his wrists red and hairy
His droll little mouth was drawn up in a pucker,
And he treated each one as a foolish sucker.

In his stumbling steps you could see he was hidin’
Declining health much worse than Joe Biden;
He had a terse face and a bulbous belly
That shook when he scowled, like a bowl full of jelly.
He was angry and plump, a right sour old elf,
And I gasped when I saw him, in spite of myself;
A blurt of his words and a twist of his head
Soon gave me to know I had so much to dread;

He spoke not a word, but went straight to his work,
And stole all the stockings; then turned like a jerk,
And giving the finger to those he’ll oppose,
And with a nod, fake indictments he throws;
He sprang to his limo, to his team gave a whistle,
And away they all flew like the down of a thistle.
But I heard him exclaim, ere they drove out of sight—
“Happy Christmas to all, and have a big fright!”