The Knox Co. Democratic Party has scheduled an election night party at the Knoxville Convention Center. What will they be celebrating?

• President: Obama (D) v. McCain (R): Palin blowout in Knox Co., but Democrats will celebrate Obama win anyway as a secessionist movement breaks out at the Crowne Plaza.

• U.S. Senate: Tuke (D) v. Alexander (R): It will be closer than you think but Alexander will win and it will be another Republican blowout in Knox Co.

• U.S. House 2nd District: Scott (D) v. Duncan (R): Another Republican blowout for Duncan.

• Tennessee Senate 6th District: Farmer (D) v. Woodson (R): Another Republican blowout for Woodson.

• Tennessee House 13th District: Tindell (D) v. Nobody: Celebration!

• Tennessee House 14th District: Haynes (R) v. Nobody: Haynes secures coveted Brian's Blog endorsement, so Republicans will probably keep control of this seat.

• Tennessee House 15th District: Armstrong (D) v. Ray (R): Democrats will celebrate an easy win by Armstrong.

• Tennessee House 16th District: Nicodemus (D) v. Dunn (R): Could be close, but McCain turnout, name recognition and incumbency will unfortunately favor Dunn.

• Tennessee House 17th District: Nicely (R) v. Seal (I): Democrats watch Nicely win from the sidelines.

• Tennessee House 18th District: Campfield (R) v. Nobody: Democrats will celebrate keeping Campfield around for laughs.

• Tennessee House 19th District: Brooks (R) v. Nobody: Citizens of the 19th district get to keep their assault rifles to protect themselves from gay marriage.

• Knox County Commission 8th District: Daugherty (D) v. Armstrong (R) v. Huckaba (I): Huckaba wild card could make it interesting but when in doubt bet on the Republican and the tidal wave of McCain turnout in Knox Co. Unless rural voters in the district get confused and think they're voting against that other Armstrong.

• Criminal and Fourth Circuit Court Clerk: Bryant (D) v. McCroskey (R): Republicans will make McCroskey's promotion official.

Other ballot questions:

• Charter Amendment Question 1 & 2: Too complicated. People don't vote for things they don't understand.

• Charter Amendments Question 3 & 4: Too radical. Conservatives don't vote for radical change. Or things they don't understand.

• Liquor Referendum: Are you kidding? Hell yeah! We're not THAT conservative here in East Tennessee.