Tommy Tuberville, the U.S. Senator from Alabama who is single-handedly holding up hundreds of military promotions because of his hissy fit over military travel for abortions, now has a new concern. He is worried about "wokeness" in the U. S. Navy because, in his words, "we've got people doing poems on aircraft carriers."

So, poetry is just too wussy for Tuberville? In defense of poetry and poetry-loving troops, let me offer this variation on Rudyard Kipling's poem "If," edited to reference Tuberville.

If you can cater to crazies and lose your virtue,
And walk with Fools—and be a common rube
If neither sense nor pleading friends can stop you
If white men count with you, but women not so much
If you let none fill military promotions
With Senate tricks and ignoble traps
Yours is disdain and opprobrium galore
And—which is more—you’ll be a douche, fool coach.