Here are some new rules to improve the decorum of news briefings, likely affecting the person at the podium more than those in the audience:

* No person shall refer to another by a derisive nickname such as low-IQ, crooked, little, boring, sleepy, or Pocahantas.
* Quotation marks around the title president only shall be used for persons who acquired the office but lost the popular tally by two million votes or more.
* A laugh track will be added to question replies only when a false statement is repeated after being shown false by a major fact-checker such as Politifact, FactCheck, or Snopes.
* The term Fake News will be reserved only for Comedy News programs, not ones with which one has a grudge.
* A non-classified version of the Presidential Daily Briefing shall be provided to reporters so at least someone will read it.