That Giant Swooshing Sound You Hear...
...is the fabled "winds of same" blowing through the Tennessee Valley

From APB reports. KNOXVILLE - Although some thought it caused by more promises of change from President Obama, the giant swooshing sound heard throughout the region yesterday was actually caused by locally produced "winds of same."

"Several converging upheavals in the local scene concentrated across a short time span spawned a maelstrom of much-a-do-do-about-nothing that caused a great disturbance in the farce, which in turn manifested itself as the much-ballyhooed 'Winds of Same,'" explained Senior Mediocrologist Sven Wicked. "All the keening and wailing of the people experiencing excruciating sameness probably contributed, too."

According to Wicked, developments that contributed to the winds of same outbreak included:

-- On the heels of a scathing report charging its coal ash spill last year released more heavy metals into the environment than Black Sabbath, Metallica, Linkin Park, and Iron Maiden combined, TVA has threatened to suspend local operations and move to Kosovo.

"What with lawsuits, federal scrutiny, recommendations of increased regulatory oversight, people's seeming inability to get past an incident that happened one whole year ago, and just the whole general sense of bitchiness we get these days, the local utility business has lost its vitality and taken the joy and bonuses out of power generation," explained TVA President & CEO Kilmore Trout. "So if people don't get off our backs, we're taking our facilities and going where they don't boggle over trifling details like environmental disasters and human health threats - where people, in fact, enjoy a little heavy metal tang in their water, where they walk thousands of miles just to sample the drinking water and say, "Wow, that's some delicious heavy metals right there."

If TVA departs for Kosovo because of adverse local conditions, it would be the second local company to do so in recent months. The utility giant would follow local electric contractor, Atlas, Inc., which recently released a statement saying it was "looking for greener pastures, which is to say, cash, to pay its mounting debts, in the Balkans."

In a related gust of the winds of same ol', same ol', Knox County Commissioner Paul Pinkston, as usual, wants Knox County Mayor Mike Ragsdale's role in Atlas's Kosovo move probed.

"I want to get him before us and make him answer questions," explained Pinkston. "And if he won't respond to grilling, then I want to sub-panini him - 'cause sub-paninis just come natural after a grillin'."

-- Lane Kiffin's UT football program once again found itself in the midst of controversy over its "Hostess Twinkie" program. Apparently, girls dressed as Twinkies handing out party favors to potential athletic recruits is not too tasty to the NCAA...

...our larry off the hook for scoobie's charge of perjury.

Knox County Defends 'Hostess Twinkie' Program
Charges of being fattening, addictive unfair say officials

From APB reports. KNOXVILLE - Knox County's use of Hostess Twinkies® to lure businesses to the area has come under fire as being "unfair competition" as well as being unhealthy and potentially addictive, according to critics of the practice. Knox County officials insist, however, that the snack cake program violates no business regulations, and, taken in moderation, the confections represent no more of a health threat than any other calorie-laden, sugary dessert. They also deny assertions that the snack food program's inventory has been seriously depleted by county employees who return from breaks with severe attacks of the munchies.

The Hostess Twinkie program came under fire after photographs surfaced of what appeared to be two Knox County Hostess Twinkies standing outside the Kosovo Minister of Economic Development's window holding up signs reading "Једу ми." (Roughly translated, the phrase means, "Your taste buds will be pleasantly stimulated by our delicious cream filling!") Knox County Commissioner Paul Pinkston said the photographs were clear evidence that the business recruiting practices of Knox County Mayor Mike Ragsdale's administration are unethical.

"You don't flaunt your succulent, sweet-smelling form and say "Једу ми" to Eastern European officials without realizing what kind of effect you're going to have - that they are going to be slavering after you like Pavlov's dogs," said Pinkston. "Many of these people have never tasted junk food before. It's completely unfair to them. It's like giving candy to a baby."

But Ragsdale said that "the proof was in the pudding" that the Twinkie program wasn't unethical...