According to the Nashville GOP, "The most effective government is government close to the people." Right. Today's Republican Party: Taking government off your back and putting it under your bed -- and in your children's classrooms. They seek a level of intimacy which isn't so much "American" as it is "Maoist."

Whatever happened to "the government which governs best governs the least?"

Well, apparently, hearts, minds, and future votes are at stake. So the increasingly desperate Republican Cultural Revolution comes to Middle Tennessee.

“We want to know where all the conservatives in this county are — who they are and where they are — and we want to turn them out to vote,” [Nashville GOP chairman] Crisp said.

Well, of course you do -- and I suspect you already know where they are and who they are. Probably you know who they're married to, what cars they drive, how often they go to the grocery store, and who they most want to see win American Idol. But to what end?

Last week, the party secured a first victory when the Metro Council appointed home-school mom Kay Brooks to a two-month term on the school board to fill the District 5 seat the Rev. Lisa Hunt vacated in April. Conservative Metro Councilman Michael Craddock nominated Brooks.

Replacement elections for at least two vacated council seats and elections for four school board seats will be held this summer.

“They’re going to look up in a very short period of time, and they’re going to have six conservatives and three liberals,” Crisp said regarding the school board.

OK, so to upset the balance of power. Predictable.

Crisp also said the party is pushing for a more traditional approach to education, calling the Metro Nashville Public Schools one of the worst school systems in America.

"More traditional approach?" What exactly does that mean?

I suppose it means appointing more self-anointed experts in home-schooling and indoctrinating children with Republican Bushido -- the Way of the Armchair Warrior.

Knowledge is not important ... The Chinese word for “crisis” combines the characters for “danger” and “opportunity.” For the armchair warrior, the significance of this is clear. Every crisis is an opportunity, and the lack of crisis poses a grave danger. In crisis, the people turn to the warrior for guidance. Hence, if a crisis has not occurred, the warrior creates one. If a crisis is subsiding, the warrior inflames it. The seventy-third hexagram of the I Ching is interpreted as follows: “Two towers fall. When smoke fills the people’s eyes, they can be led anywhere.”

Back to the City Paper... and in the last words from the Nashville GOP comes a stark departure with reality:

“The Democrats that used to run Nashville were conservative Democrats,” Crisp said. “[Now] they’re the Vanderbilt-imported, liberal New England Democrats, and that’s why they’re not selling anymore — that’s why it’s difficult for them to get traction.”

Oh really? Well, here's an excerpt from the biography of the current superintendent of schools in Metro Davidson...

Dr. Pedro E. Garcia was born in Cuba and came to America in 1962 at the age of 15. He was part of Operation Peter Pan, which brought 14,048 children from Cuba to keep them from becoming communists. He lived in a Miami camp until his parents arrived. The family moved to Iowa where Dr. Garcia learned English and graduated from high school. He earned his B.A. degree from Kansas University; his master's degree is from San Diego State University and his doctorate degree from The University of Southern California in 1983.

He began his teaching career in San Diego County in 1971. In 1976, he became the youngest high school principal in Los Angeles County at the age of 31. In 1987, Dr. Garcia became Assistant Superintendent for Instruction in Santa Barbara, CA. He became Superintendent of the Carpinteria Unified School District in 1991.

Before coming to Nashville, Dr. Garcia served as Superintendent of the Corona-Norco Unified School District, At the beginning of his tenure, only 12% of students in the district scored above the 50th percentile on all tests. When he left, 72% of students ranked above it.

At least Crisp stopped short of hyperventilating about how resident aliens now run our schools. Still, the Nashville GOP chairman is a complete, friggin' liar.

So, what's the response?

Krissa Barclay, chair of the Davidson County Democratic Party, responded to Crisp’s claim that the Democratic Party is losing its local appeal by noting there were no Republican primary elections this month to fill the county clerk and judicial seats that will be open in the summer general election.

Nice to know that the DCDP has a counter strategy, isn't it? Way to man the barricades, Krissa.

Man, I've long been a believer in public education, and I'm a product of it. I went to public schools, I went to a state university, and so did all of my siblings. I gotta wonder, though.

What sort of future do Nashville children have in store when ignorance is preached as a virtue?