Let's huddle up and learn how to write right ... alright?

This is the column that gets written at the end of a semester of teaching news writing!

From the Not-So-Farfetched File

“Welcome to College Football, Battle of the Writing Programs. I’m your announcer Merriam Webster. The play here is like football, but yards gained and lost derive from the rules of good writing. Today we have a clash of collegiate composition titans,” declared Webster. “University of Missouri grinds out yards through solid journalism. Coach Strunk N. White likes punchy, direct sentences. Northwestern’s Creative Writing Program, on the other hand, relies on fancy exposition. Count on Coach Faulkner Steinbeck for elaborate plot twists.”

“I’m joined in the booth by Earnest Penn,” continued Webster.

“The kickoff goes into the end zone. Missouri starts on the 20,” reported Penn. “Fullback Tap Keyes pulls out an I-Phone and writes, ‘The transportation bill was passed by Congress.’ He is slammed for a loss of two yards. Merriam, what happened there?”

“Well, you’re not going to get anywhere in this league writing in passive voice,” responded Webster.

If you are unable to see this column in its entirety on the KNS site, send me a PM.