It's Derby Day, and that means it's time for Mint Juleps. Here's our quick and easy sure-fire guaranteed to please and/or anesthetize recipe...

1. Cut some fresh sprigs of mint from the yard. (You do have fresh mint growing in the yard, right? Oh, you're not from the South? That's OK, you can buy some at the grocery store.) You need about eight or ten mint leaves per Julep, I like more, some like less.

2. Get you some good Kentucky Bourbon. Makers Mark, or better yet Wild Turkey 101. You could use Woodford Reserve or even Booker's, but some consider that a waste of Good Bourbon, which should be enjoyed straight up or on the rocks with no flavorings or other embellishments. It must be Genuine Kentucky Bourbon, not Tennessee Whiskey like Jack Daniels or George Dickel such as you would normally mix with Coca-Cola and whatnot. (Note: If you opt for a single-batch barrel-proof Kentucky Bourbon, you are on your own and we are not responsible for the outcome.)

3. Put the mint leaves in the bottom of a mixing glass. Add just enough Bourbon to cover. Add a tablespoon or so of 10X white confectioner's sugar to taste. Mash up real good with a wooden spoon until you get a green paste going. This will be the "Julep" part of your Mint Julep.

4. Pour in about 3 oz. plus or minus of proper Bourbon, stir. Let it sit a spell while you do the next step.

5. Fill a tall, thin (as in narrow diameter) cocktail glass (must be glass, unless you have a proper Silver Mint Julep Goblet) with crushed ice all the way to the top. (Optionally, you can coat the rim with 10X confectioner's sugar first. The ladies seem to like this.)

6. Strain the Mint Julep slowly over the ice into the glass. Don't worry if you get some crushed mint leaves in there, it will just be more festive and the green stuff in your teeth will give your spouse and/or guests something to giggle about. Garnish with a sprig of mint.

7. Here's the important part. Using your straw (you drink Mint Juleps through a straw), stir with a vigorous up and down and side to side motion until frost forms on the outside of the glass.

Enjoy! (Makes one Mint Julep.)

WARNING: These will sneak up on you. If you can drink more than one or two, you should update your will to donate your liver to medical science. Do not operate motor vehicles or heavy machinery. Not even lawn mowers or vacuum cleaners. Especially not power tools. Or ladders. Not safe for children, small pets, or women prone to the vapors. Void where prohibited. No warranty expressed or implied.