If you run out, I'll just make my own! And I have a pick-up truck and a couple of folding tables if we need them.

In the mean time, snark bites:

"Total Recall" of Law Director May Prove Costly
Less expensive replacement of defective parts only said to be "not an option"

From APB reports. KNOXVILLE - Replacing the Knox County Law Director's defective conscience, malfunctioning moral compass, and other faulty parts is not an option and only a total recall and replacement of the entire unit will satisfy regulatory concerns reports the Knox County Recollection Commission, the organization responsible for explaining such regulations.

Greg Mackay, Knox County Recollection administrator, said, "It's all or nothing - you can't just keep law director parts you like and send the rest back. You can't treat an expensive piece of law direction machinery like Mr. Potato Head."

Thus, the law director's resale retailer, Knox County Voters, Ltd., will be on the hook for the entire cost of recalling and replacing the misfiring device. The total expense of replacing it may climb upwards of $270,000 - times two.

John Q. Citizen, a spokesperson for Knox County Voters, Ltd., expressed regret over the flawed law director, but defended its acquisition of the instrument and blamed both the manufacturer and the device itself for any breakdowns in its performance.

"That thing is supposed to have a 'self-reporting' feature that immediately detects and reports mistakes in judgment or lapses in character," said Citizen. "Never once did an alarm go off in all the time this doohickey was defalcating in the firm where it was previously installed. Why didn't the manufacturer, Tennessee Bar Associates, Inc., catch that?"

"How can we possibly be expected to monitor what every one of these items is doing when we're churning out thousands of them each year?" responded Tennessee Bar Associate Shia Steer. "That's why we install the self-reporting piece. But the function of that device, in turn, depends on at least one of several redundant systems functioning correctly: the moral compass, the gut checker, the character referencer, the vice inhibitor and finally, the look-yourself-in-the-mirror test. But they all failed at the same time."

Asked how redundant systems could fail simultaneously, Steer was at a loss.

"We can't explain it," he said. "This is not supposed to happen. In this unit, those systems seem to have just gone kablooey and experienced massive moral spasms - like it experienced total systemic failure and all ethics centers were compromised or inhibited. That's unheard of. You expect little things to go wrong, but not this - not spasmodic moral fluctuations, simultaneous with inhibited ethics centers. Nobody expects that."

"Ha-ha! I get it! No one expects the spastic inhibition!" exclaimed the reporter.

"You try an allusion that weak again, and I'll sue you for impersonation of a real comedy act," advised Steer...

What happened at the meeting?

Tamara's been here - or maybe one of her elves.

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