North and South | KnoxViews

Sun

Feb 24 2008

11:40 am

North and South

By: bizgrrl

Now, I don't reckon if y'all are true Southerners y'all should take offense to this. Just a little Sunday humor.

Don't know where it originated. If y'all know, keep me informed...

The North has Bloomingdales, the South has Dollar General.

The North has coffee houses, the South has Waffle Houses.

FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . . .

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this", you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

For the entire thang, keep readin' after the break.

The North has Bloomingdales, the South has Dollar General.

The North has coffee houses, the South has Waffle Houses.

The North has dating services, the South has family reunions.

The North has switchblade knives, the South has Lee Press-on-Nails.

The North has double last names, the South has double first names.

The North has Indy car races, the South has stock car races.

The North has Cream of Wheat, the South has grits.

The North has green salads, the South has collard greens.

The North has lobsters, the South has crawfish.

The North has the rust belt, the South has the Bible Belt.

FOR NORTHERNERS MOVING SOUTH . . .

In the South: --If you run your car into a ditch, don't panic. Four men
in a four-wheel drive pickup truck with a tow chain will be along shortly.
Don't try to help them, just stay out of their way. This is what they
live for.

Don't be surprised to find movie rentals and bait in the same store....
do not buy food at this store.

Remember, "y'all" is proper English, "all y'all" is plural, and "all
y'all's" is plural possessive

Get used to hearing "Y'all ain't from round here, are ya?"

Save all manner of bacon grease. You will be instructed later on how
to use it.

Don't be worried at not understanding what people are saying. They can't understand you either.

The first Southern statement to creep into a transplanted Northerner's
vocabulary is the adjective "big'ol," truck or big'ol" boy. Most Northerners begin their Southern-influenced dialect this way. All of them are in denial about it.

The proper pronunciations you learned in school is no longer proper.

Be advised that "He needed killin'." is a valid defense here.

If you hear a Southerner exclaim, "Hey, y'all, watch this", you should stay out of the way. These are likely to be the last words he'll ever say.

If there is the prediction of the slightest chance of even the smallest accumulation of snow, your presence is required at the local grocery store.
It doesn't matter whether you need anything or not. You just have to go there.

Do not be surprised to find that 10-year olds own their own shotguns, they are proficient marksmen, and their mamas taught them how to aim.

In the South, we have found that the best way to grow a lush green lawn is to pour gravel on it and call it a driveway.

AND REMEMBER: If y'all do settle in the South and bear children, don't think we will accept them as Southerners. After all, if the cat had kittens in the oven, we wouldn't call 'em biscuits.

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Another clever post . . .

Submitted by Anonymous (not verified) on Mon, 2008/02/25 - 3:17pm.

. . . from someone who doesn't understand that Knoxville isn't in the South.

When. pray tell...

Submitted by talidapali on Mon, 2008/02/25 - 3:37pm.

did they move the Mason-Dixon Line? Knoxville is most definitively in "the South". We are located a couple of hundred miles or so south of the Mason-Dixon Line which is the traditional demarcation line between the South and the North. East Tennessee mostly sided with the North in politics during the Civil War, it's true, but that has no bearing on the geographical location.

_________________________________________________
"You can't fix stupid..." ~ Ron White"
"I never said I wasn't a brat..." ~ Talidapali

Knoxville isn't in the

Submitted by bizgrrl on Mon, 2008/02/25 - 5:01pm.

Knoxville isn't in the South.

Ha! Almost spit out my coffee. You're not from around here, are ya? Ha! Have ya met a native from Knoxville? They might could hide their Southern tendencies, but they do not disappear. Just get them in a room full of locals.

We are Southern, for sure,

Submitted by Pam Strickland on Mon, 2008/02/25 - 5:29pm.

We are Southern, for sure, but occasionally, I think we're more Appalachian. Now, part of that could be b/c my mother's family are mountain people. But whether it's Southern or Appalachian, I know we're far from Yankee or Western.

Pam Strickland

"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be." ~Kurt Vonnegut

Now, I woulda thought

Submitted by bizgrrl on Mon, 2008/02/25 - 5:32pm.

Now, I woulda thought Appalachian is a sub-category of Southern.

woulda thought Appalachian

Submitted by Rachel on Mon, 2008/02/25 - 5:38pm.

woulda thought Appalachian is a sub-category of Southern

Nope. As my husband who went to college in upstate NY loves to point out, Appalachian culture extends into Pennsylvania and even New York.

And while Tennesseeans are southern, Tennessee is not "THE SOUTH." Heck, Knoxville's not even Memphis.

Tennessee is not "THE

Submitted by bizgrrl on Mon, 2008/02/25 - 6:35pm.

Tennessee is not "THE SOUTH."

Well, of course not. I can't decide, is GA, AL, or MS "THE South"? Not one state can be identified as The South. Some people include Texas as in the South, not sure I see it. I do love Texas, though. Love their accents and attitudes (with some exceptions, of course:).

Southern Appalachian is a

Submitted by R. Neal on Mon, 2008/02/25 - 5:38pm.

Southern Appalachian is a special category of Southern. We invented Moonshine.

Aw hell

Submitted by lovable liberal on Mon, 2008/02/25 - 9:17pm.

The Scotch-Irish were making moonshine before they came over here. They were hiding their stills from the revenuers, smuggling the dew to market, and cutting it with even worse stuff.

This was just the place that they could really let go - and maybe come up with a good brand name.

I say this as the descendant of a whole bunch of teetotalers and also a passel of bootleggers.

Liberty and justice for all.

My home

You can get sweet tea here

Submitted by redmondkr on Mon, 2008/02/25 - 5:50pm.

You can get sweet tea here in a restaurant can't you? That's the way you can tell, you know.

Visit us at

Wearybottom Associates

The sweet tea thing is

Submitted by Rachel on Mon, 2008/02/25 - 6:05pm.

The sweet tea thing is interesting. When I was a kid, if you ordered tea around here, the default was unsweetened. South of Chattanooga the default was sweet. That line seems to have crept north over the last 40 years or so. I have no idea why.

And for the record, I hate sweet tea.

Up north on our New England

Submitted by R. Neal on Mon, 2008/02/25 - 6:29pm.

Up north on our New England road trip, they didn't even have iced tea at a McDonald's near our motel in Massachusetts. The kid at the counter said he'd been working there for a couple of years and as far as he knew they never had it. They had iced coffee, though.

As a person born and raised

Submitted by bizgrrl on Mon, 2008/02/25 - 6:31pm.

As a person born and raised below the Mason Dixon line, I have never been a sweet tea drinker. Maybe it's because my parents weren't from around here (i.e. not from The South. But, then, I pretty much don't drink sweet drinks of any kind.

To paraphrase Miss Scarlet,

Submitted by redmondkr on Mon, 2008/02/25 - 6:14pm.

To paraphrase Miss Scarlet, it's like sayin' you hate Tara, why you might as well say you hate Ma and Pa.

Visit us at

Wearybottom Associates

My mama reportedly made the

Submitted by Pam Strickland on Mon, 2008/02/25 - 6:38pm.

My mama reportedly made the best sweet tea in East Tennessee, but I couldn't stomach it. The tannins, or something, make me sick. I can occasionally sip flavored iced teas, but usually only will seriously partake in herbal teas. Green tea is more bothersome than helpful.

I do have the utmost respect for the sweet tea thing, but alas, I'm a diet Coke fiend, and in my family when there's a big breakfast gathering, we always make sure there's diet Coke and other soft drinks.

Pam Strickland

"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be." ~Kurt Vonnegut

mmmm, sweet tea

Submitted by CathyMcCaughan on Mon, 2008/02/25 - 8:15pm.

Alright now, you can kick and spit at each other all you want over politics, but do not insult the glory that is sweet tea. Make fun of the people who put it in their babies' bottles, but not the elixir itself.

Gevalia's Ceylon Cinnamon

Submitted by redmondkr on Mon, 2008/02/25 - 9:04pm.

Gevalia's Ceylon Cinnamon Orange tea is meant to be served hot, but brew it strong, sweeten it, and ice it down on a hot day.

Visit us at

Wearybottom Associates

Up north on our New England

Submitted by Andy Axel on Mon, 2008/02/25 - 10:23pm.

Up north on our New England road trip, they didn't even have iced tea at a McDonald's near our motel in Massachusetts. The kid at the counter said he'd been working there for a couple of years and as far as he knew they never had it...

I went to Cleveland, OH for a project for work after I'd been living in the South for about 8 years. I had my default drink with lunch; an unsweetened tea.

IT WASN'T BREWED! Pffffffffflegggghpptttt!!!

Instant tea is an abomination.

In the North, "barbecue" is a verb. In the South, it's a way of life. And you know the difference between 'cue made in Georgia, the Carolinas, Alabama, or Tennessee (note to Texans: Beef ribs are not BBQ).

In the North, you have the blue plate special. In the South, you have the meat-n-three.

The North brought you Andy Williams, Perry Como, Bing Crosby, and Lawrence Welk. The South brought you Elvis Presley, Ike & Tina Turner, James Brown, Isaac Hayes, Wanda Jackson, and Johnny Cash.

If you're getting a nightcap and order a Crown Royal or a Canadian Club, I'm going to have a club soda - if you're not going to drink, neither am I. Canucks make charcoal-flavored water - Kentucks make *whiskey.*

We like our bourbon straight and our politicians crooked.

In fairness: Our Italian food generally sucks.

____________________________

With the possible exception of things like box scores, race results, and stock market tabulations, there is no such thing as Objective Journalism. The phrase itself is a pompous contradiction in terms.

Ice tea

Submitted by Rachel on Mon, 2008/02/25 - 10:31pm.

Perhaps things have changed since I was in Europe in 1980, but one of my funniest experiences there involved trying to get some ice tea.

Europeans apparently don't drink the stuff - only hot tea. After about 3 weeks, I was really jonesing for some ice tea, so I tried to explain to a friendly waiter how to make some.

He returned with a big glass of ice water and cubes, with a tea bag floating in it.

Needless to say, I went ice tea-less until we came home.

In the South, you have the

Submitted by Pam Strickland on Mon, 2008/02/25 - 10:35pm.

In the South, you have the meat-n-three.

And mac-n-cheese is a vegetable.

Pam Strickland

"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be." ~Kurt Vonnegut

And mac-n-cheese is a

Submitted by Rachel on Tue, 2008/02/26 - 12:15am.

And mac-n-cheese is a vegetable.

When I was growing up, mac-n-cheese was a main course.

Banana pudding is a veggie

Submitted by Bbeanster on Tue, 2008/02/26 - 12:32am.

Banana pudding is a veggie at Litton's on Tuesdays.

mmmmm

Submitted by reform4 on Tue, 2008/02/26 - 9:46am.

mmmm...Fried Chicken & Banana Pudding Day, we refer to it as.

good with brocc casserole
-----------------------------------------
Fighting for Reform and Representation, Fourth District
Steve Drevik, Commission Seat 4-B
(link...)

I am a fan of banana

Submitted by Pam Strickland on Tue, 2008/02/26 - 12:08pm.

I am a fan of banana pudding, but I've never known anyone to refer to it as a vegetable. To save money, I usually lunch at home, but I may have to observe this sometime.

The best banana pudding story I have is as the "groom's cake" for one of my cousins. He is a chef; he was marrying a pastry chef, who had a business with her mother. The future mother-in-law offered him all kinds of possibilities for the reception. He declined, opting instead for banana pudding homemade the morning of the wedding by our aunts. There were two large punch bowls full, plus a few other smaller containers. And while the wedding cake was beautiful and tasty, there was tons of it leftover b/c the guests were lined up all night to get more 'naner puddin'. There wasn't a morsel leftover.

The marriage ended, but the reception story lives on.

Pam Strickland

"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be." ~Kurt Vonnegut

Southern is as Southern does

Submitted by Carole Borges on Tue, 2008/02/26 - 9:41am.

It might not be the South to some, but there sure are a lot of Southerners living here. The drawl, the chaw, the wonderful way folks ruminate awhile before they actually speak, and the way they have of creating a two hour conversation out of something as simple as seeing a hawk fly over.

My mom added Coke to our ice tea to save money and make it feel more "full-bodied". Her grits were divine, cooked on a woodstove, every grain bursting with buttery goodness.

Seems to me, if you can't cook good grits, you can't really consider yourself a true Southerner. Up North all you get is soupy slop.

In the South, you have the

Submitted by Mykhailo on Tue, 2008/02/26 - 12:25pm.

In the South, you have the meat-n-three.

Knoxville doesn't have meat-n-three.

True...

Submitted by talidapali on Tue, 2008/02/26 - 1:58pm.

we have the "Full House"

_________________________________________________
"You can't fix stupid..." ~ Ron White"
"I never said I wasn't a brat..." ~ Talidapali

yumm... Mary's Hot Tamales

Submitted by Cletus on Tue, 2008/02/26 - 2:08pm.

yumm... Mary's Hot Tamales

Lived in "The South" all of

Submitted by bizgrrl on Tue, 2008/02/26 - 5:30pm.

Lived in "The South" all of my life, never really looked for a meat-n-three. I do look for "home cooking".

Hmmmm... Don't drink sweet tea, don't know about meat-n-three, biscuits 'n gravy isn't my favorite breakfast. Maybe I'm not really from The South".

Lived in "The South" all of

Submitted by Mykhailo on Tue, 2008/02/26 - 6:02pm.

Lived in "The South" all of my life, never really looked for a meat-n-three.

My travels in the South are mostly limited to Virginia, North Carolina, and the TVA power service area, but I've rarely heard anyone outside of Middle Tennessee talk about "meat and three", and most of those people spent a lot of time in Nashville and presumably took that term up because it's a pretty handy description.

Does that mean Dot's diner

Submitted by lovable liberal on Tue, 2008/02/26 - 5:37pm.

Does that mean Dot's diner is gone?

Liberty and justice for all.

My home

biscuits 'n gravy isn't my

Submitted by R. Neal on Tue, 2008/02/26 - 5:34pm.

biscuits 'n gravy isn't my favorite breakfast

Blasphemy!

(On the sweet tea, I didn't know there was any other kind until I met you. Now I pretty much can't tolerate it. You've ruined me!)

biscuits 'n gravy isn't my

Submitted by Pam Strickland on Tue, 2008/02/26 - 5:56pm.

biscuits 'n gravy isn't my favorite breakfast
Blasphemy!

I agree. I'll eat oatmeal or cereal or have a peanut butter sandwich most days because it's quick and easy, but when my Aunt Nadine calls and says she's fixing breakfast, I'm there. Biscuits, gravy, eggs, bacon, sausage, and fried apples.

Yum.

Pam Strickland

"We are what we pretend to be, so we must be careful about what we pretend to be." ~Kurt Vonnegut

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