I almost forgot my annual President's Day address. This year, we go back to the 2004 SKB archives for a golden oldie, updated for 2008...

Today is the day we honor great American presidents George Washington and Abraham Lincoln. George W. Bush is working furiously to secure his place in history alongside the greats. Here's his updated list of accomplishments so far:

• Rigged an election in conspiracy with brother Jeb in Florida to take office.

• Appoints administration made up of former executives and government officials who helped Saddam develop WMD, were involved in illegal arms sales, traded with the enemy in violation of U.S. law, and whose companies now profit from war.

• Stonewalled GAO and Congress request for documents relating to Enron influence of Federal Energy Policy.

• Representing party of smaller government and less Federal spending, creates largest bureaucracy in U.S. history and signs largest entitlement spending program in U.S. history.

• Although recovering now, presided over a 30% loss in Dow Jones Industrial Average, nearly a 50% loss in NASDAQ, and a 33% loss in S&P 500, wiping out trillions in wealth. Despite a recent extended bull market, the markets have yet to recover back to where they were the day Bush took office the markets recovered somewhat, but have crashed again.

• Presided over an increase in consumer debt to all time record high of over $2 trillion and an increase in personal bankruptcy filings to an all time high of 1.6 million households in 2003.

• Despite taking over after the longest and largest economic expansion in U.S. history, presided over the loss of more than three million jobs, with the highest unemployment in a decade and nearly nine million people out of work.

• Presided over the largest trade deficit in U.S. history, a record $489.4 billion in 2003, while the value of the dollar has reached an all time low against the Euro and the Yen.

• Presides over illegal arrest and detention and physical abuse of criminal suspects, who are held in secret without benefit of counsel without any charges.

• Signs "Patriot Act" that limits civil liberties and violates the Bill of Rights contained within the Constitution he took an oath to protect and defend.

• Despite inheriting an $80 billion surplus from the Clinton administration, turns it into a $2 trillion deficit with tax cuts, war, and out of control spending.

• Bush tax cuts could pay for hiring all nine million people out of work and pay them $40K for two years instead of benefiting wealthy.

• Gutted clean air regulations, allowing utilities and factories to continue polluting the atmosphere, calling it "Clear Skies".

• Rolls back environmental reviews and opens national forests up to the logging industry, calling it "Healthy Forests".

• Rolled back wetlands protection, reducing or eliminating regulations prohibiting pollution of wetlands, calls it "Clean Water Act".

• Rolled back wilderness protections, opening up wilderness areas to logging, mining, other development.

• Promotes school vouchers to take taxpayer money away from public education and give it to wealthy families to send their kids to private and mostly religious schools.

• Adopts the Project for a New American Century's strategy paper on Rebuilding America's Defenses as the official U.S. National Security policy, a policy that calls for imperialist expansion in the middle east and hopes for a national catastrophe "on the scale of Pearl Harbor" to awaken the public to the dangers posed by not adopting this policy. Hires most of its authors to run the Pentagon and develop defense policy.

• Worst terrorist attack in history, and the worst attack on U.S. soil occurred on current administration's watch, and Bush undermines efforts to investigate mounting evidence of numerous warnings that could have prevented it.

• Made speeches and signed laws promising more funding for shipping container inspections at U.S. ports to look for nukes and other WMD, then eliminated funding from budget.

• Allowed North Korean sale of Scud missiles to Yemen.

• Made deal with Iranian terrorist organization.

• Conducted preemptive unprovoked military invasion of sovereign state resulting in hundreds thousands of military casualties and thousands of countless civilian deaths, deceived Congress and UN Security Council using "sexed-up" intelligence to justify.

• Claims two trailers used to make hydrogen for balloons, a vial of botox in some guy's refrigerator, and some junk buried in some guy's rose garden are "proof" of Iraqi WMD "programs", or as they are later termed in his State of the Union, "weapons of mass destruction related program activities".

• When U.S. weapons inspectors cannot find 25,000 liters of anthrax, 38,000 liters of botulinum toxin, 500 tons of sarin, mustard and VX nerve agent, tens of thousands of chem/bio warheads, and an advanced nuclear weapons program in Iraq and say that in fact they probably never existed despite Bush telling Congress and the American people they posed a "grave danger" and Rumsfeld saying "we know where they are" and Powell showing the U.N. pictures of them, Bush says "What's the difference?" and blames it on faulty intelligence.

• Proposes sweeping cuts in veteran's benefits, instructs Veteran's Administration to deceive veterans with regard to benefits available.

• Dressed in fighter pilot costume and flew military jet to aircraft carrier for stunt landing and political fundraising/campaign event despite having ticket pulled and being grounded for failing to take required physical and drug test and being curiously absent from his post during the Vietnam conflict.

• Declares victory in Iraq, yet soldiers die in Iraq every day, half the country has no electricity or water, attempts to install democracy failing miserably, WMD cannot be found, neither can Osama.

• Has destroyed American respect and credibility around the world. Unable to get assistance from France, Germany, or India to provide troops for additional security and peacekeeping in Iraq.

• Administration under investigation for illegally leaking the name of a covert CIA agent in retaliation for her husband exposing lies about Iraq's nuclear weapons program. The CIA demanded an investigation after Bush's denials.

• Proposes development of tactical nuclear weapons in violation of 1992 Senate ban which Bush worked to repeal.

• Begins privatization of Medicare disguised as prescription drug benefit.

• Lied to Congress and the American people about the cost of the Medicare prescription drug benefit, intimidates government employees to cover it up.

• Tax cuts would fund health insurance for all 43 million uninsured Americans, including nearly ten million uninsured children.

• Pushes legislation to eliminate overtime pay for up to eight million American working people.

• Pushes legislation to limit medical malpractice claims to $250K, even if an incompetent doctor kills your wife or cuts off your legs instead of removing your appendix.

• Installs new Senate majority leader with ties to health care industry to shepherd through legislation benefiting corporate insurance and pharmaceutical pals.

• Pushes legislation to limit bankruptcy protections for consumers targeted by predatory lenders, but proposes no reforms for rogue corporations such as Enron that blow off creditors, employees, and investors at pennies on the dollar.

• According to a biographer, believes that he was selected by God to lead America and had preachers come to the Governor's mansion in Texas to "lay hands" on him and pray for his future during his campaign.

• Appoints as U.S. Attorney General a fundamentalist Christian who believes he receives divine guidance directly from God and anoints himself with Crisco and who was defeated by a dead man in his failed U.S. Senate election campaign.

• Pushes legislation to fund faith based social programs, Congress rejects it, Bush issues executive order to allow Federally Funded local and state programs to hire or fire based on religion or ideology and to promote religion as part of delivering services.

• Declines invitation to NAACP convention, but addresses Southern Baptist Convention by satellite, calling them faithful servants and praying for them, while they adopt a policy that "homosexuals can find freedom from this sinful, destructive lifestyle" by accepting Jesus as their savior.

• Comments on Supreme Court homosexual rights decision, declares "marriage should be between a man and a woman", proposes constitutional amendment in State of the Union address to eliminate civil rights for an entire segment of the population.

• Sends letter to Supreme Court urging them to strike down Affirmative Action programs, celebrates Strom Thurmond's "remarkable life" and says he was a friend.

• Allows cabinet member in charge of education to call American teachers "terrorists" and get away with it.

• Promises not to use 9/11 for politics, releases campaign TV ads showing firemen carrying remains of victims from ground zero.

• Despite being at war around the world and under constant threat of terrorist attack at home, Bush has spent 27% of his presidency on vacation, taking more vacation days in his first three years than Clinton took in seven years.

• Plans on spending $200 million plus to get re-elected against challengers the GOP says are unelectable.

On the other hand, he captured tried and executed Saddam, so we should all be proud to call George W. Bush our president on President's Day. But if people are paying attention, he probably won't be president on President’s day 2005.

2008 UPDATE

Sadly, people weren't paying attention and Bush was still president on President's day in 2005, and is still president on President's day in 2008. Thankfully, he won't be president on President's Day 2009. As far as we know.

And the hits keep coming in his second term. Here are just a few chart toppers:

• His vice president's chief of staff is convicted of perjury and obstruction of justice in connection to the outing of a covert CIA agent's identity for political purposes.

• His Secretary of Defense resigns in disgrace, after saying he knew where the weapons of mass destruction were and that you go to war with the army you have not the army you wish you had and costing Republicans control of Congress.

• His top White House political advisor resigns in disgrace after the GOP's humiliating defeat in the 2006 Congressional elections and goes to work for Fox News.

• His Secretary of State resigns in disgust after being forced to lie to the UN about Iraq and weapons of mass destruction, and Bush replaces him with an ineffective, do-nothing figurehead.

• His head of the Environmental Protection Agency resigns in disgust and becomes an outspoken Republican critic of the administration.

• His Attorney General resigns in disgrace, after setting up the DOJ for political operations and gutting the Civil Rights division.

• Suffered a humiliating defeat in the Republican controlled Congress on Social Security privatization.

• Nominated his secretary to the United States Supreme Court and had to withdraw the nomination after widespread ridicule from his own party.

• Dismissed the findings and recommendations of the 9/11 Commission which documented intelligence failures that led to 9/11 and the lies about connections between Iraq and Al Qaida.

• Ignores findings and recommendations of Iraq Study Group on how to stabilize the situation in Iraq.

• Presided over the worst U.S. human rights and international relations scandal in recent history at Abu Ghraib prison.

• Presides over disgraceful treatment of war veterans at Walter Reed hospital.

• His head of the VA resigns in disgust after saying in an earlier press conference that "like many of my collegues, we all grow tired, in the sense of, not tired of our work, but tired of what we're called upon to do."

• U.S. Iraq war casualties (fatalities) at the end of 2004: 1335. U.S. Iraq war casualties (fatalities) through Feb. 18 2008: 3963. Number of U.S. soldier suicides through Jan. 2008: 135.

• Admits a worldwide "gulag" system of secret prisons where suspects are held outside the reach of U.S. law and tortured.

• Admits to the illegal secret wiretapping of U.S. citizens.

• U.S. plunges into second recession on Bush's watch, dollar at an all time low against the Euro, equal to the Canadian dollar for the first time since 1976 (but doing well against the Pakistan Rupee).

• Vetoed health insurance program for millions of children.

• Failed miserably in his response to the worst national disaster in U.S. history (that nobody could have anticipated), hundreds of thousands still homeless and displaced and a great American city still in ruins three years later after Bush's promise to do whatever it takes.

Etc. etc. This is depressing and it's giving me a headache. But you get the idea. Jan. 20th 2009 and the End of an Error cannot come soon enough. At least it's supposed to be the end, as far as we know...