Project planning consultants had bad news for City Council and developers at this week's workshop on the proposed South Knox Waterfront redevelopment project.

It seems that a rare and previously unknown species of river rat inhabits the shoreline from Cherokee Bluffs all the way down to the former Buck Giffin trailer park and swimming pool. The new rat species, rattus fluo tanasi, was discovered by the project consultant's environmental engineers in the course of preparing an environmental impact study.

The rat's most distinguishing characteristic, which sets it apart from all other known rat species, is its evolved ability to subsist solely on a diet of untreated effluent, toxic asphalt byproduct discharge, and remnants of Styrofoam cooler lids that blow into the river from speeding pleasure boats. No other habitat is known to exist that is capable of sustaining the rat's natural diet.

Reacting to the news, several local developers announced plans to pursue tax increment financed river rat habitat construction and maintenance contracts with the city.

South Knoxville City Councilman Joe Hultquist expressed disappointment, but said improvements underway at Fort Dickerson might make it a suitable alternate location for high-density condo and mixed-use office/retail development, noting however that "we might need a bigger driveway."