(Ed. note: this was SUPPOSED to be an April Fools post.)
In a shocking unanimous ruling handed down late Friday, the Tennessee Supreme Court has declared Knox County unconstitutional.
The ruling states "we have reviewed more than two hundred years worth of documents seeking anything that would establish the existence of Knox County. We are unable to find any official record of its lawful creation. In addition, the recent behavior of Knox County officials leads us to conclude there never was a Knox County government per se, and that instead it is the longest known running commission of fraud as bad performance art. Therefore, this court finds that Knox County is unconstitutional and that all of its so-called elected officials are unconstitutional and hereby removed from office. The people are instructed to organize themselves into something resembling a county government as set forth in the Tennessee Constitution, forthwith. Their first order of business shall be to appoint a treasurer who is instructed to return all monies ever collected by the fraudulent Knox County government to its former citizens and/or legal heirs."
Commenting via e-mail from Poland, former Knoxville Mayor Victor Ashe remarked, "this is all vrey suprizing i had nohtign to do with it plz send my check to hizzonner, c/o u.s. embassy, poland."
Upon hearing the news, former county commissioner Wanda Moody and her attorney Herb Moncier filed a lawsuit demanding that Sheriff Tim Hutchison be reinstated immediately so their ongoing lawsuit to have him removed can proceed.
Citing concerns about anarchy and road project delays, Tennessee Governor Phil Bredesen asked President Bush to send Viceroy L. Paul Brenner to establish an Interim Provisional Authority. Brenner met with former county commissioner Mary Lou Horner at her house, where they spent most of the evening cutting and pasting from her extensive collection of Cas Walker Watchdog newspapers to assemble an improvised county charter.
In related news, Knoxville Mayor Bill Haslam seized the opportunity to call for metro government. City Council will vote on the measure Tuesday. The public is invited to attend.
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