Mon
Dec 4 2006
07:08 pm

For some reason it has always bugged me to have to give my name to get a $3 cup of coffee. So I frequently give a fake name. But I'm not clever enough or quick enough on my feet to always come up with a good one on the spot.

(My favorite fake name is Randall P. McMurphy, but it's a little too obvious for some people, and Randall is too close to my real name to be much fun. And yeah, I've used Bubba but that's not very original, especially without the South Knox part.)

Anyway, a few days ago "Spanky" popped into my head for some reason. So I went with that. The Mrs. wondered who she should be, so naturally I suggested "Darla".

So those are our new Starbucks names - "Darla" and "Spanky".

(I thought about changing to "Alfalfa" to complement "Darla", but "Alfalfa" is not as believable and it's harder to write on the side of a coffee cup. Besides, there's that whole playing-hard-to-get/unrequited love thing and we are way beyond that.)

So, do you have a Starbucks name? If not, why not? Is it because you like hearing the sound of your name announced over the Starbucks PA? Or is it because using a fake name is silly and juvenile? (Or is it because you are enlightened enough to know that only a crazy person pays $3 for a cup of coffee?)

At any rate, feel free to use Spanky and Darla. In fact, it might be fun if everybody used Spanky and Darla. We could get Starbucks people all over town wondering where all these Spanky and Darla people came from. Not to mention the hilarity and mass confusion that would ensue if lots of Spanky and Darlas ordered at the same time.

OK, then.

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redmondkr's picture

Ha ! I love and have used

Ha ! I love and have used the old W C Fields moniker, Mahatma Kane Jeeves.

The guys at Car Talk had a lovely one the other day, Upton Leftus.

Andy Axel's picture

The guys at Car Talk had a

The guys at Car Talk had a lovely one the other day, Upton Leftus.

Click n' Clack have a lot of good ones:

Pikop Andropov (staff chauffeur)
Mahatma Coat (wardrobe)
Bud Tugly (makeup)
Marge Innovera (statistician)

And I'll be damned: There is a Dewey, Cheetham, & Howe in Hahvahd Squayah.

____________________________

Dirty mouth language -- it's the new black.

One of Hooties Blowfish's picture

it depends on the drink

Depending on the drink, I might say I'm B.C., if it is another drink, I'm John Wright.

That's a joke.

Andy Axel's picture

Imagine the confusion you

Imagine the confusion you could create by calling yourself "Mocha-latte."

"I HAVE A SKINNY HAZELNUT EXTRA SHOT CAP FOR MOCHA LATTE! ... MOCHA LATTE!"

____________________________

Dirty mouth language -- it's the new black.

cafkia's picture

Oddly enough, I like coffee

Oddly enough, I like coffee so I have never been in a starbucks. With no need for all the fancy stuff, I just make the coffee at home or make a quick stop at a convienence store.

CAFKIA

----------------------------------------------------------- 

It is impossible to defeat an ignorant man in argument.
  - William G. McAdoo

R. Neal's picture

or make a quick stop at a

or make a quick stop at a convienence store

Good point. Weigel's has great coffee, and maybe the best in town (as advertised) for the money. But you have to get it fresh. Beware of the ones that don't have the fancy machines that have to rely on employees to make fresh pots. Sometimes they leave it on too long and it gets scorched.

Rachel's picture

The spouse says "Ishmael".

The spouse says "Ishmael". (I wish I'd thought of that...)

R. Neal's picture

The spouse says

The spouse says "Ishmael".

Heh. Spartacus would be good, too.

Rachel's picture

Spartacus would be good,

Spartacus would be good, too.

Or Mr. Tibbs.

Les Jones's picture

I didn't have one before

But now I want to be known as The Beav.


Hey, Les, why don't we just call each other assholes and get it over with. - Somebody on the old Southknoxbubba.net (if that was you, claim your quote and win net.fame!)

R. Neal's picture

The Beav Oh, man. Now I want

The Beav

Oh, man. Now I want to be Eddie Haskell!

fletch's picture

I thought I was the only one

I thought I was the only one who did that. Panera Bread also calls out your name. Most of the time I just use the name of the employee who is taking my order, but only if it's a female name. Otherwise, I just give them "Satan". It's pretty funny to hear them call Satan over the speaker and it gives the kitchen help a break from the monotony.

R. Neal's picture

but only if it's a female

but only if it's a female name

Hmmm, maybe me and the Mrs. ought to switch off on Darla and Spanky. That might be fun.

Satan would probably get you beat up down here. You are are a brave man, Fletch.

Joe P.'s picture

Excellent

Love this post.

A source of great names can also be found in the old National Lampoon High School Yearbook Parody - especially to have them read out loud over a PA system.

And use current celebrity/politcal names -- like Oprah or K-Fed or Rumsfled.

Joe P.'s picture

Did I make a pun with that last name? I think so.

'Cause he did on Nov. 8th.

Stan G's picture

Must admit that I do

Must admit that I do patronize Starbucks when I can't find an independent coffee house and when I do I order COFFEE - black, no sugar, which means that I don't have to give a name. However, since you have me thinking about it, the next time I'm asked in a similar circumstance, I plan to use "Occupant" since that's the way most of my mail is addressed. If they ask whether it's my first or last name, it's my last; my full name is Current Occupant.

WhitesCreek's picture

Since it's been my fake name

Since it's been my fake name all my life, I just use Steve.

White Screek

gttim's picture

Ficttional Characters.

I would be tempted to say "Travis McGee" or "Meyer," if only because those guys would have a long comment about how stores like Starbucks are killing/changing South Florida.

countertop's picture

I've never had to give my

I've never had to give my name at Starbucks.

While I agree that its generally not the greatest coffee - their large expensive drinks are a bit diluted - the "short" cappucinos are ok (espresso steamed milk proportions are more correct - as is the price - though they don't advertise the "short" option or even list it on the menu board).

That said, I do like the gingerbread lattes.

F-Stop's picture

Hehe, fake names at

Hehe, fake names at Starbucks...

I think i'll have to tell them 'Thorozog Coffee Demon' next time i'm there.

jlynn's picture

Depends...

If'n I'm @ Starbucks I'll use Panerra and if'n I'm @ Panerra, it'll be Starbucks...

cemore Butts 's picture

I always use funny names like

I always use funny names like cemore Butts

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