That's some genius writing right there. Kind of how I feel about Tupelo Honey, but never mind that.

" Fieri looks like a child’s crayon drawing of what a cool guy is"

Seems as though the reviewer had higher expectations than mediocrity. Or perhaps Wells was having a bad day.

I think I'd rather have a can of pork and beans at home.

My youngest son, who cooked most of the time he was going to UT (LaCosta, 31 Bistro, Sangria) thought the review was hilarious. He then went on line and looked at the menu and concluded two things: that the reviewer was right and that a lot the crap on the menu would sell well in Knoxville. (Parental bragging: he graduates in December with a degree in English, but whether he goes to grad school or culinary school is still up in the air. Probably goes to Korea and teaches for a year just to see a little more of the world)

A fake Guy's American Restaurant website with a hilarious menu.

The Blitzmas Beast: Two jumbo Big Gulp Slurpee cups filled with nacho cheese and tied to each other with 25 bacon strips fashioned into a giant bow. Shellacked with Slim Jim style jus, and topped with a dollop of smoked kitchen leavings.

Harsh.

(Reported as a hack, but it doesn't appear to be. His real website appears intact.)