Haha. Just goes to show you, truth is always stranger than fiction.

Flashback...

Heh. If Randy's South Knox Rodeo has potential to become reality then I have high hopes for this project I wrote about seven years ago...

Sex And The City

A new developer has stepped forward with an alternative plan for the former Justice Center site in downtown Knoxville. If it catches the attention of the city's decision makers, future tourists in Knoxville could be praising the experience and asking, "Was it good for you, too?"

One night last week, developer N.D. Noe was watching a soft porn movie on cable when he felt an idea begin to grow within him.

"It dawned on me that if the City County Building could draw visitors with an exhibit of giant condoms then we might be overlooking an obvious theme for a destination attraction," Noe said.

Noe's fantasies now center on building Intercourse Knoxville, a $100 million educational and cultural attraction in downtown Knoxville. Noe hopes the leadership of the Knoxville Area Chamber Partnership will be willing Intercourse partners.

Noe's research indicates sex is an underutilized theme in developing tourist attractions. According to Noe, surveys indicate 87% of everything adult males do is based on the desire to have sex. Accepted margins of error suggest that up to 13% of adult males may have lied on the survey, leaving potential for a much greater target audience than previously imagined.

Intercourse Knoxville would include exhibit space and a discovery center in addition to a 450-seat adult movie theater and a virtual reality tour of the south's historic red light districts. The developer is confident Intercourse could penetrate the tourist market the city has lusted after for so many years.

"I envision Intercourse Knoxville as an institution that will promote the history and practice of sexual relations in the southern United States," Noe explained. "I have already been in contact with the Automotive Hall of Fame in Detroit to see if we can host an upcoming Camaro exhibit. It would be a natural fit."

Additional exhibits could include a display of the largest collection of sexual toys and devices in the country in a "Where Nature and Technology Meet" gallery. A formal affiliation with regional nudist clubs could result in a gift shop featuring "Knoxville. Naturally!" gift items.

"Of course," Noe added, "there is plenty of room for the development of hands-on activities and exhibits. We will build a facility that can host first-class exhibitionists."

Noe unveiled architectural designs for the Intercourse Knoxville project. Unfortunately, the plans could not be printed in a family newspaper. However, the developer was enthusiastic about the modern design of the building.

"If county commission would approve funding at its next meeting, we could have construction crews working on the erection in a few weeks," Noe explained.

In a move sure to ignite renewed debate over the convention center development, Noe proposes building the convention center hotel within the Intercourse Knoxville development.

"These guests may want to get to a room...fast," Noe said.

To show off the potential of the project, Noe invited several guests to take a Greyhound bus with him to New York to tour the Museum of Sex, located in the city's Times Square. Noe is undeterred by the initial lack of enthusiasm his invitation has generated.

"Eventually, as a city we will come to realize that sex sells and a bus trip to New York is not too great a sacrifice for a sure thing," the developer said. "Heck, I once hitch-hiked to Dalton, Georgia, for a sure thing.

According to Noe, the Intercourse Knoxville project will include more than exhibits about sex and sexual history. The facility will also include an educational component and is seeking possible university alliances to create the Knoxville Institute of Sexual Studies (KISS), a research institute designed to develop sexual education programs. Noe hopes the institute will help citizens keep abreast of sexual developments.

"A thing like a 'KISS' could go a long way to getting us past first base with downtown redevelopment," Noe suggested.

The Southeastern Consortium of Reproductive Education Workers has heartily endorsed the plan, saying that sex education is too often put in the back seat as other issues garner attention from the public.

Initial word of the project leaked prematurely, turning some potential partners off of the idea.

"This sort of thing happens to every project," Noe said defensively. "It's not that unusual at all. If we talk it out, we can get this thing up in no time."

In the Baptist stronghold of East Tennessee, Noe's idea for Intercourse Knoxville may take a while to gain support.

"The Baptists and other potential opponents will eventually come around. I am confident everyone will want Intercourse in the end," Noe said.

The developer admits he is surprised by reluctance from leadership in the region to share his dreams for Intercourse despite the apparent market value.

"We use sex to sell everything from soap to long distance phone service. Why not use sex to sell tourism? It's a no-brainer. The leadership refuses to discuss it, but I've never had a problem finding someone on the street to consider Intercourse with me.”

Despite these frustrations, Noe continues his quest to introduce Intercourse to Knoxville's residents. He hopes his door-to-door campaign for Intercourse will provide him with potential partners.

"I've been on this sex project alone for a while now," Noe admits. "I have built up a great deal of first-hand knowledge. I can keep doing it alone for a while longer. But, if we want to produce results, I need someone to join me soon."

# # #

Additional exhibits could include a display of the largest collection of sexual toys and devices in the country in a "Where Nature and Technology Meet" gallery. A formal affiliation with regional nudist clubs could result in a gift shop featuring "Knoxville. Naturally!" gift items.

Expertly crafted, sir. Hats off to you, and thanks for the laugh.

I'm glad you liked it. My friends and I used to write fake press releases like this all the time. Knoxville ca. 1998-2002 was pretty easy to parody without much effort. Come to think of it, Knoxville remains pretty easy to parody...