The Knox Co. School Board has narrowly approved the contract [1] for new superintendent Dr. Jim McIntyre, who will start in July.
First, welcome to East Tennessee Dr. McIntyre. Now, for some free friendly advice...
• Do not talk about your salary. In fact, if you can afford to forgo it or donate it to charity, all the better.
• No more rides on private jets. Or chartered planes of any kind. Or first class. Travel coach. On Allegiant. Or drive to Nashville and catch a Southwest flight.
• No BMWs or Mercedes Benz for you. We recommend a Chevy Malibu or something similar. You might get away with a luxury pickup, if it's red. And you disguise it with "W" and "NRA" stickers and yellow "support the troops" ribbons. And a "choose life" license plate.
• Do not be seen at Ruth's Chris or Regas. You will probably have to go to Rothchild's a few times, so that's OK. Do not order wine or alcoholic beverages of any kind, and never pick up the check. Never, ever under any circumstances order lobster.
• For lunch, we recommend Long's Drug Store and Litton's. Sooner or later you will want to get to know the folks who hang out at those places.
• If someone in local government gives you a credit card, cut it up into little pieces at once.
• Patio grilling is a big deal down here in the South, so you will need a grill. Make sure it does not cost $5000. We recommend a more modest $150 Char-Broil from Home Depot.
• Check with Rooms to Go and Target for all your home furnishing needs. Avoid Braden's.
• Avoid M.S. Mc Clellan and John H. Daniels. We recommend J.C. Penney as your tailor. You can also try Belk's, but don't flaunt it. Poly blends only. No wool or silk. You will need all new neckties from Hound Dog's, which has a nice, licensed selection in orange.
• You may be invited to join Club Le Conte and/or Cherokee Country Club. We recommend the Rotary Club and Whittle Springs Golf Course. If you insist on golfing. You should probably take up bowling.
• You may hear about Blackberry Farm. You do not want to go there. There is a nice Day's Inn and lots to do in Pigeon Forge if you need a weekend getaway. You may also hear something about Sea Ray and the Vol Navy. We recommend a bass boat and camping at Point 19. Remember to bring plenty of beer and ammunition.
• If you get phone messages from anyone named Lumpy, Scooby, Grumpy, or Timmy the Hutch, do not return the calls. And pay no attention to any black helicopters hovering over your property.
• Someone will probably give you one of these [2]. Wear it proudly.
And if you think we're kidding, see this [3]. And this [4].