We were out shopping yesterday and passed by the local Wal-Mart near our house three or four times, even turning around in their parking lot once to go to Target to pick up something we remembered. In a moment of weakness, I muttered that "I wish we could just stop at Wal-Mart. It's right here." The Mrs. wouldn't have any of it, so off to Target we went. On the way, I said "you know, it would be nice if you could buy some sort of shopping offset or credit, like those carbon offsets, when you're in a hurry and it would be more convenient to just go to Wal-Mart." And right then the idea for my next big business venture hit me: Socially Irresponsible Shopping Offset Credits™. Each $10 offset credit coupon would cover $100 worth of liberal guilt relating to purchases from a socially irresponsible merchant. $8 of the credit would go to charities and other organizations that promote social and environmental responsibility. $2 would go towards administering the program (i.e. to pay me) and for postage and handling of a nice Socially Irresponsible Shopping Offset Credit™ coupon. (Ratios subject to change pending an actual, you know, business plan and stuff.) This is a breakthrough free-market solution to the growing problem of liberal guilt shopping inconvenience. • Running low on gas and the only nearby brand available is Exxon Mobile? No problem. Half of one SISOC™ coupon will cover a $50 fill up! • Forgot your niece or nephew's birthday and there's a Wal-Mart right on the way to the party? No problem. With your SISOC™ coupon, you're covered for up to $100 in video games or cheap plastic Chinese imported gift items. • That designer top is tres chic, but you're worried about reports that the company uses sweatshop labor in Malaysia. Whip out your SISOC™ coupons along with your credit card, and worry no more. • You really, really like that teak outdoor furniture set, but you're concerned about the loss of old growth teak forests in Indonesia? No problem. Five SISOC™ coupons and you're covered for up to $500. The possibilities are endless. In fact, you never know what the next targeted company or product will be, so the safest bet is to purchase $10 worth of SISOC™ coupon for every $100 you spend on consumer goods and services monthly. That way, even if you didn't know that a certain shampoo contributes to clear cutting in the Amazon rain forests or that a certain dairy producer is using banned hormones, you're covered. They make great gifts, too. Conservatives who don't know what to get their weird liberal friends and relatives for Christmas (or Saturnalia or whatever) can load up on SISOC™ coupons for the holidays - problem solved! Watch this space for the launch of Socially Irresponsible Shopping Offset Credit™ coupons, coming soon. Don't leave home without them, and enjoy guilt-free shopping wherever you go.