Apparently feeling threatened by the possibility of health-insurance reform, the Blue Cross corporation has entered the restaurant business. Some acquaintances and I stopped by their new bistro in Western Plaza last night, and now I humbly submit the following review.

The architecture of the place was beautiful; the decor inside was sumptuous, with white tablecloths and the wait staff in formal attire.

The problems started when we were told by the maitre d' that we would have to pay in advance. This being such a classy place, though, we gladly paid our $100 per person, figuring a prix fixe was simply part of the deal.

We were escorted to a table with a lovely garden view. But then we waited for the waiter to show up, and waited, and waited. After about two hours, I asked the maitre d' what was going on. He informed me, rather brusquely, that his staff was still busy performing background checks on our party and had been informed that there was a problem.

After another hour, we were told that the background check, which consisted of reviewing a videotape of our conversation in line waiting for entrance to the restaurant, had revealed that we had been hungry when we entered the establishment and therefore would be denied service since hunger was a pre-existing condition.

Naturally, our party was outraged, and we let the management know about it in no uncertain terms. However, as we were attempting to leave, we were told by the security staff that we would have to pay an exit fee of $25 per person.

After we reluctantly paid and were heading out the door, we were surprised to see Senators Alexander and Corker, along with Congressman Duncan, eating their fill at a nearby table. "How did you manage to get served?" I asked them, and they registered considerable surprise. Bits of food and dribbles of wine flowing from their mouths, they answered in unison, "What are you talking about? We always eat here for free!"